Have you ever tried to fall asleep
with your heart beating in your fingertips
I've skinned and hurt myself volunteerily
but I think it's just a birth defect
somewhere deep in my brain
Without a second thought of the future, I could do horrible things
go even further,
touch deeper
But it'll hurt when
the pleasure has disappeared
Somehow I'm so much closer this way
to reality and the hard surface of the world
when nothing stops the pain from transmitting
Even though I sincerely claim I'm not doing this as a punishment
what else is it then
when I can't even touch
But yet again
I say no, no not ever
I'll never give up myself for others' wishes
I'll control this as well till the end
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