Unsecurity

I don't like being alone
or actually, I'm afraid of it
Now I said it. I eventually said it
Oh sure, mock me all you want
but don't you dare to point out how pathetic it is
for a kid my age to be scared of invisible monsters
because you have no idea what comes out
when I'm all by myself without a guard
When my mind is free to wander

I really don't like watching over my own life
because I never really know if I have control over myself

That's why I please everyone
as long as I can I keep all of you happy
you'll stay, just that bit longer
and I can fall asleep, pretending
that this same chase of company doesn't begin again tomorrow
But just leave out the fact that I'm useless
when my fears are free
because you can't imagine how it feels
when your rationality turns its back on you

I don't know if I can protect myself
from what rises from deep within

And that's why I'm so afraid
of being abandoned again,
with only my thoughts to keep me company
because that's when something horrible usually happens
Don't you suggest I get help or go to a shrink
this was built inside me before I could protest or make a choice
You simply don't know how bad it is
when your own brain is designed to hate you