Madness

I hate you
but I'm living without you
Madness, that's your name
A word like a desease,
a term like a curse
But I have no problem to cast it on you
no matter what it might bring upon you

I hate you
but I can walk away without saying a word
I won't give you an excuse
to reach my soul with your white eyes
There's no bottom for you
so just keep on falling
Extreme, that's your lover
I'm a substitute

But I'm living without you
even if you won't let me breathe
All the games and the mark of eternal quilt
it's all over, it's all gone

I hate you
and I can't save you from your hopes,
your real death wish
Madness, that's all you know
my face was just another facade for it
I'm bound to live without you
you're too tempted to destroy me

I hate you with my heart
no rational part of my mind can understand your tricks

Madness, that's your name
I dare to call it out loud
Abandonment, that's mine

http://www.youtube.com/user/2NE1#p/a/u/2/NB5jyYD2WEw At first I wasn't very eager to check this music video out because it's animated and blaah but the song AND the video are both awesome. I'm a real blackjack now.

Somebody

Somebody tell me when this is over
I don't dare to crack my eyes open
and witness the mess, the mixture of
shared pain, inhumanely clear memories
and already ruined promises
I can hear the echoes
as they travel through what was once sacred
and blow life back into them
to make them mock me
once the voices have died down

Somebody stay with me
so I'm not left alone to collect the missing pieces
Fairytales should get prettier towards the end
why is this just getting nastier by the day

I can hear the fight
and the silent celebration of another broken relationship
Those falling apart were supposed to protect me
and be one forever
But somebody please cover my eyes
until my tears have dried
Somebody should cover my mouth
until I have no more angry words to say
Until I can't make this any worse

I finally bought Sunrise Avenue's latest album Out Of Style. It's nowhere near as good as On The Way To Wonderland and it seems as if their first album will remain their best. But still song called Somebody Help Me managed to inspired me enough to write this.

Out Of Ordinary

It feels like all the thanks and goodbyes
have lost their meaning
and turned into what they usually are: a mere habit
But I don't want our friendship to be described like all the others
I don't want to define us as nothing out of ordinary
I used to see the flame of your soul
as we'd write down our pain
and give it away, word by word
But now I see just the dead end

I don't hear you beneath the compliments and phrases
not the way I used to
What does it tell me?

I remember too well how we used to talk
about everything between the earth and the sky
but always return safely before going to bed
Now you leave me soaring up there alone,
your eyes closed and hands clamped over your mouth
I don't know what you're holding back
but it's making us ordinary
just like two friends should be

I don't want to be what I should be
Not with you

And when you say you love me
it's just a habit as well
All our memories, all the things we used to laugh at
are now written on the stone
and we shall not break free from that law
because then there's nothing left
From what used to be so great
what was meant to be everlasting

The Fire

I'll be the fire that catches you
and licks away your scars and the broken feathers
of your god-forsaken wings
I'll destroy everything you claimed your own
but save your beating heart
until I go down with the flames
and lie with you, cold like an iceberg

I'll be the fire that releases you from your sins
which you call simple mistakes
from your haunting past
I'll take the flesh off your bones
and boil your blood away
but I'll make sure your name remains unforgotten
as I die with you

I'll be the fire to warm you again
as the cold world has ruined your all
your loving heart, your weak soul
and every single good thing you managed to gain
I'll show your true nature
as you turn into lethal flames and burning heat
and paint your beauty with fading colors of life
And with you I'm not afraid of death,
the ashes that become after the fire
You're not a phoenix
but trust me, death is not the worst thing for a human being

As Good As

This was just as good as it was going to get
and now we're slipping further away
I don't know if gravity changed
beneath our feet
I want to hold on to you but I'm too angry
to confess how sad I am
and so you misunderstand me
like so often before
Every single beginning used to mean something
something happy, something shiny and positive
but now they look like little deaths
on our way to the grave

This was just as good as it could have been
there's no what-ifs there, no second thoughts
I know we ran this path to the end
I want to spin around and race again
but my enraged words are now chasing you away
You misunderstood me
and now you want me to leave you
like so many times before
We used to love each other
but we dropped it somewhere on the way
as it got more like a burden
to both of us

This was too good to be true
and I can't see another way to end this story
it was a dead end from the very beginning
I can only beg the final doom won't be painful
because I'm in pain already
I want to take your hand and lead you
to where we came from
but what used to be strenght to us
is now blocking the way
Every beginning is now just a partial death
and we have to bury each other here

The Happy Couples

The happy couples
real or imagined:
I don't know what to say
I'm so envious of what they share

It seems like something special
yet so casual at the same time
And so far out of reach,
too hard to achieve

They don't even need to be happy
to seem perfect to me
and all I can do is wonder:
what on Earth is wrong with me?

Give Me

Give me your smile
so I'll treasure it over the days
when it's too hard to face the happy couples
when it's too hard to tell your mom everything's okay
when the world doesn't come tumbling in
but abandones you without explanations
to make it on your own even though you can't see the reason
Give me your smile and I'll
keep it safe until you can hold it again
I won't let it be wasted

I keep what I promise
Even if you let me down

Darling, don't cry
I'll take you through the days
when it's too hard to eat or even think of cooking
when it's too hard to pick up the phone and pretend
when the world beats you up with reality
until you bleed to death but still can't die
Don't cry and I'll
protect you to the very last day
so you can be strong again

I won't leave you
Even when you want me to disappear

Give me your heart
I'll warm it pass the days
when it's too hard to listen to radio, they always sing about love
when it's too hard to remember who're your friends
when the world screams to your face
with the names of your past loves
and everyone you once lost
Give me your heart and I'll
make a nest for it right next to mine
so they can support each other

I will always love you
Even if you hate me for it

Inspired by Daesung's solo "Baby Don't Cry". He's not one of my favourites and I thought he couldn't sing but he actually can, and very well even!

Black Pit

Holding back the sobs
I can't reveal this hideout to you
when our foreheads are pressed against each other
I need you to breathe the air for me
until it's softer to inhale
and I can eventually pull some in
I have someone to love
I'm minor no more but part of this society

The last black pit of my mind
I need to savor it for later days
so I'll always appreciate the time you put into healing me
Excuse me if I have to retreat there every now and then
but I want to remember my past
even the times when it almost took my life

With my own hand
I almost became your angel
But isn't this better

I have someone to love
Your heart beat is the sign for me
it lets me know I made it out there alive
Every god turned their backs on me
as they realized I couldn't be saved
but all it took was a human to turn these tracks around
Finally I know what humane means

The last desperate vortex of my bad days
It'll never scar away but remain sore
but what does it matter
It's all I need to love you
and I need you to make this world softer
so I can face it by myself
when you're busy with something else

Inspired by a fanfic and Big Bang's "Somebody to Love" that I happen to like very muc indeed.

Unsecurity

I don't like being alone
or actually, I'm afraid of it
Now I said it. I eventually said it
Oh sure, mock me all you want
but don't you dare to point out how pathetic it is
for a kid my age to be scared of invisible monsters
because you have no idea what comes out
when I'm all by myself without a guard
When my mind is free to wander

I really don't like watching over my own life
because I never really know if I have control over myself

That's why I please everyone
as long as I can I keep all of you happy
you'll stay, just that bit longer
and I can fall asleep, pretending
that this same chase of company doesn't begin again tomorrow
But just leave out the fact that I'm useless
when my fears are free
because you can't imagine how it feels
when your rationality turns its back on you

I don't know if I can protect myself
from what rises from deep within

And that's why I'm so afraid
of being abandoned again,
with only my thoughts to keep me company
because that's when something horrible usually happens
Don't you suggest I get help or go to a shrink
this was built inside me before I could protest or make a choice
You simply don't know how bad it is
when your own brain is designed to hate you

Promise

You promised to be there
when I can't make another dawn to come,
another sunrise to start my life again
and you said you could show me the things
that are still here and still have a meaning
Things that didn't run away with everything I miss now
You said you would make it better
with your words and your words only

You promised to lead me
until I can make my own path into the sand
without missing the road signs, easy to read
You said you wouldn't take your hand away
before I let go myself
and you said it would be effortless to carry on
once I found the right way

I have now struggled to break free
from the fears and worries owning me
But you did nothing what you said you would
and nothing seems to be the way you said it is
Because I'm really lost and there's not much left
at least nothing I recognize as my own

And the sun is below the horizon for good
I can't bring it up for my eyes to admire

Actually I don't want to keep going
when all you painted for me was a fairytale
because if this world is this dark
then is there a reason to live in it?

My Pieces

Strange enough, it feels like my pieces are getting away
I was sure they were safely piled in my heart
and stored for better days
when I'd have time to sort them, to put them together
But now I watch them slip between my fingers
like they never belonged to me
and they're running further, like they had wings
They're flying further than I'd ever go

I thought I had control over them
heartbreak is not the end of the world
and I knew I could fix myself over time
if I only could muster up enough strength
And I assumed the pieces would wait nicely
and never, ever rebel
But now they're almost gone
and I don't dare to stop them
Because they'll see the things I can only dream of

My pieces are flying away with the wind
and screaming happily as they go
I guess my heart felt like a prison to them
as they had no place to move
I guess my pieces wanted to live more than I did
and made the effort to do so

While I stay here and regret

Tired

When I'm tired of being alone
the world crushes in with no shame
and wipes away my peace of mind
pushing me until I fall
into the same kind of trouble
I fought out of before

When I'm tired of feeling lonely
who's there to follow, whose hand is there to take?
Who can take the responsibility
of my sanity

I'm lonely and tired to wonder
whether I should change or give up completely
it seems as if these questions are not going away

When I'm tired of being alone
alone to chase my own kind of demons
I can't think of anyone to call to my side

I'm tired of being lonely
but I can't stop looking over my shoulder
because the unwanted guests will never leave me
Who's there to lead me, whose hand is there to guide me
I don't know, I can't see it

And I'm tired of being blind

People Say

I've heard people say I should aim for the stars
and it seems like my only option
since no tree top would be good enough for me
I can't settle on normal, on usual
because I have to go further
even if it means going there alone

I've heard people say I'll be something great
and that there's no doubt about it
but why do I find myself questoning
the route my life has taken?
When did I made the choice
not to be happy with simplicity

I've heard people say they're proud of me
but I'm just ashamed
of the go-getter I've turned out to be
for it's just a lie, it's just a lie
no one can see past
I'm just as afraid as everyone is
but I'm the one who's supposed to make it anyway

I've heard people say I'll be famous one day
but I don't want to be known by this name
not by what I've done
because I'd rather be normal and loved
for who I am, not for what I can do
or what I know
because I'd rather not be alone
than bask in the glory

The Story

My pen cannot write an end to this story
even though we're happy only in fiction
and even though we exist only in my imagined dreams
I can change the plot and make us smile again
I have that power
but only over my foolish desires

I won't let you leave me
as my pen writes down our shared story
I won't let your path separate from mine
because I can't erase the weddings and a dozen children
I already wrote as our future
It won't change, it won't fade away
my words are just as good as truth

Even if I have to tear the ugly, sad pages away
and burn them until they're gone
I'll let us live happily
and I won't let this story end, not ever
even though it's just a breathtaking wish

And even though we must die even on paper
I won't allow it hurt
and we'll be together
even if you decide to walk away

Because my pen can't write an end to us
Our story is the only one I know

I've always adored this song but now that I actually found the lyrics... It's awesome. Purely awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hduadsFnJfA