Mute

I told, asked, demanded, begged you to speak
You evaded and deceived me, still so mute
You convinced me you felt the pain but weren´t ready to tell

You couldn´t scream so loud that your message
Would drown into your voice´s power
You couldn´t whisper too quietly
I´d still read from your lips
You couldn´t lie hard enough

Your silence bandages me too
Do I hunt my own tale
Love is immortal and so is stiffness
How many walls I have to across
Until I get to you

why, why I write so much about silence? about person how don´t speak? boring and dull. maybe this is the last one ;)

Land of deserted houses

Under sky, painted grey
Suffuses loneliness
Rains frozen water
It hacks me down

I´d scream but here wouldn´t be anyone to be found
Harrowing wind has taken even ghosts
You can hear only echos
It´s useless to weave life between

I can feel how houses collapse under their weight
I wonder when will scawengers arrive
To destroy what never was too strong

Thousand stories, taken to the grave
Don´t you feel how misfortune is still with us
In the land of deserted houses
Only madness stays

Älä rakasta minua vielä

Älä rakasta minua vielä
Kun et tiedä heikkouksiani
Älä rakasta vielä
Kun et ole valmis sortumaan

Et tiedä miten miljoonalla tavalla
Voin kiduttaa sinua ja itseäni
Et tunne miten pimeää sielussani voi olla

Älä rakasta minua vielä
Kun joudut niin helposti kyyneliin
En ole kertonut mitä voit saavuttaa jos olet rohkea
Enkä mitä tulet menettämään

So I decided to post my poems in Finnish and English. For now at least.

Don´t love me yet

Don´t love me yet
When you haven´t seen how weak I can be
Don´t love
You aren´t ready

You just don´t know how many ways
I can torture you and myself
I haven´t shown how dark it can be
In my soul

Don´t love me yet
Because it´s so easy to bring you to tears
First let me tell what you can get if you´re brave
And what you will lose

I adore you in death

I adore you in death
So easily you detached and disappered
I was left alone and bare to the stairs of my sorrow
I think I wake up but it´s only white pain
Knocking my sholder and screaming its existence

Only sharps were left to my hands
From what I used to carry next to my heart
I see your face and run for nothing towards your voice
Acerbity stays on my lips

I yell to the great dark but nobody wants to come
Your soul, my hostage
My sorrow can´t give your peace to you
I fall over and drop to your lap, but never reach the bottom

I adore you in your death
You disappeared easier than you ever were with me
Only sharps were left to my hands
From what never were whole

so this it is. only FR can say, does it suffer of translating.

Palvon sinua kuolemassasi

Palvon sinua kuolemassasi
niin kevyesti irtosit ja katosit
Jäin yksin ja paljaaksi suruni portaille
Luulen vielä herääväni mutta se onkin vain valkoinen kipu
koputtamassa olkaani ja huutamassa olemassaoloaan

Vain sirpaleet jäivät käsiini
siitä mitä kannoin sydämeni rinnalla
Näen kasvosi ja turhaan juoksen äänesi suuntaan
Voin eksyä tuhannesti mutten koskaan löytää takaisin
Katkeruus vain jäi huulilleni

Huudan suureen pimeään mutta kukaan ei halua tulla
Sielusi räpistelee panttivankinani
Suruni ei anna sinullekaan rauhaasi
Kaadun ja putoan syliisi, mutten koskaan tavoita pohjaa

Palvon sinua kuolemassasi
katosit helpommin kuin koskaan olit luonani
Vain sirpaleet jäivät käsiini siitä
mikä ei koskaan ollut kokonainen

I wrote this in Finnish here cos I thought it might lose something if I translate it my clumsy way. but I´ll translate it.. FR, enjoy. You´re the only one who can read it in Finnish :P

One dusty box and a cramped heart

Look, what I have under my bed
One dusty box
Guess what´s in it
It´s old and quiet
It doesn´t scream "I´m here!"
But once it was loud and difficult to hide

Look, what I have written on it
"Regret, pain, sorrow, despair"
And that´s what it keeps inside
I took them away from my heart and
Locked up there
They sleep one eye open
How easy it is to wake them up!

Now, let them be
I don´t need to remember
It´s better to keep them in a jail
Than try to keep them in my cramped heart

More pain in my heart

New shoes and letter mittens
That´s what I noticed when we met
You looked away and didn´t want to see me
Did you see my hair is shorter than it used to be
Did you notice my eyes are tired
Did you see that I still have your old luminous badge
Hanging in my coat
Defending me from the dark

I opened my mouth to say hello
But only bit my lips and went on
More pain in my heart

I walk, you run run RUN!

Don´t cry because I cry
Don´t laugh because I do
We are not the same creature, you know
How could water and light be one?

I walk, you run
I fall, you run
That´s how it´s meant to be
Don´t turn around and run back to help me
Go, go now
Run for your life

My heart isn´t yours
My hands don´t share what yours have done
My eyes don´t look at your past
Run, run for your life

My demon

Your soul breaths to my back
It stares over my shoulder
Keeps an eye on what I´m doing
Repeating its mantra:
You´re not good enough, you´re enough for nothing
My demon

For the night it makes a nest onto my chest
Curls up but it doesn´t sleep
Whispers to my ear
Nightmares are all I see while I should be sleeping
My demon

You exorcise it on me
Now I´m not enough, not even for myself
I feel burning breath and
Cold touch on my chest
My demon

I finally started new notebook and this is the first poem in it. enjoy.

Die away, sweet regret

I´ll lock you up to my attic, my sweet regret
You can scrape walls, kick the door
I let you pound my ceiling and make windows tinkle
I don´t hear you, no I don´t
I forget you like dust floating silently

I leave you there to die
Die away, sweet regret
Forgotten attic will be your grave
Dust your gravestone

Depressed eyes

Why do you have to hide your tears
How could they hurt anyone except yourself
It´s useless to conceal them

Tracks on your cheeks blaze, burned by salty water
And everyone can see your depressed eyes
You don´t spend your nights laughing

Why should you hide something
When everyone can see it anyway
Your pain won´t disappear, no matter how much you cry
Why do you grit, when you want them to understand your secter?

What is it that hurts you most

Is it those lies that are killing you
Or is it the truth pulling finally through
Can´t you see who you are
Lies can kill but so can truth
If you hide it too long
Revenge will be bittersweet

You´ve been big lie too long
When it disappears will be there anything?
Can you see what is real, this is ending now

What´s it that hurts you most
Is it the words or
Is it what you do

You deny yourself
And still tell me it´s you

Still I spin in the dark

Where´s the beginning and where is the end
I lost the direction on the way
I can´t say am I walking forward or backwards
Do I circle or do I even move
Do I only dream all this or am I going to die

I lost it on the way
Bit by bit, drop by drop
Little by little gazes corroded my map away
Lighthouse overshadowed
And I couldn´t see behind my blindness

Do I even walk or am I just dying
I´ve fought more than enough to make it
Still I spin in the dark
Lost direction
Where´s the beginning and where´s the end

Who am I

Who am I?
Do you know who you are looking right now

Do you know that I eat apples with fork and knif
That I like eating cold pea soup
That I don´t live in this world

Do you see that you don´t see me
That you see something I let you see
Like a furniture or an exhibit
Do you know you know nothing
That you could hurt me with
Do you know that I never tell anything important