Attempt

I try to keep my promise
not to destroy you even if I cannot help incising myself
with blades that reach the bottom for real
but it's horrible
I lost my hold from hope the moment I stopped demanding
your gaze your attention your love anything
all of them offer a vision of relief
which will last to the next morning

I spread my wounds and rub my eyes until they're red
before I remember that I no longer have a permission
use such tricks because it hurts you as well
even though when asked I'll claim time is doing its best

and apologize

I try but it doesn't seem to be enough
when my efforts disappear into coldness and won't return
It doesn't seem to be enough when I want you back,
you to take the responsibility from me nevertheless