Basic lesson

Did you even notice that I died
Did you realize that it was for good
with no jokes there, seriously all true
I guess you didn´t just see me
like you used to back then
when you still knew me, a bit better at least
Before you learned how to not care
how to not feel anything
when all your beloveds are too far away

Did you recognize me when you saw me
ripping my life apart,
making it too torn to be whole
Or was it just a bad dream
like everything is
when you can´t quite grasp the feeling
of the days passing

I guess you just didn´t feel much
Didn´t feel like saving me
Back then when we used to be like lovers
you would have behaved differently
But then you learned something I never did
something I never wanted to
You learned how to be blind,
how to not mind
even when you lose all you called 'worthwhile'

Fight

The drama follows you
from your past life to your fresh start
which you surely imagined to be something great
but yet again you find yourself fighting the same problems
the ones you left behind,
the ones you thought through too many times
to be remembered
And the questions you never managed to answer
are still waiting for your attention

You tried to find someone else to do the math
Someone else to tell you what to do with your head
It can´t be working right
because if this is normal, how can all the others survive?
But the questions remain,
obviously immortal
They never range
because the drama is always the same

Regardless of what you try
regardless of who you meet
Regardless of what you want
you find the same doubts again
You can leave everything behind but not escape
You´d like to believe you could change eventually
How come you don´t see already that you can´t?

Struggle, honey, struggle
That´s what you promised
but you´ll never kill your enemy
unless you take your life

Reunited

The heaven needs them back
to be reunited with their wings
but what if I´m not ready to let go
of my guides,
given to me too late
to show me the right road
that would take me to the end
succesfully
instead of finding myself lost

Heaven needs them back
but so do I
Who shall win?
Who needs them more?
I can only speak for myself
and that´s what I´ll do
I´ll tell them that there´s no way saving me
if they should go

It was too late, I know
but what if there´s still another crossing
ahead of me
What if I´m left alone again,
left alone to choose
I need someone to tell me what to do

Please, heaven, just wait a bit longer
It´s just a while and
then I can be glad to give them their wings
and come with them
if there´s a place for me too

Devil

Are you serious
because I'm not quite sure
and you refuse to tell, you devilish creature
Yes, I don't know
when I don't recognize your tone
Your motives are the embodiment of mystery

You say one but what is that you really mean
Many things are left for guessing
and I'm no good at it,
nowhere near as good as you are
Even when you're drunk you won't let go of your secret
but cling to it even tighter
behind that jestering smile

You don't know me, this shouldn't be possible
You shouldn't know how to hurt me
how to cloud my weak self-respect
Keep your poisonous words to yourself
so to not create a mess you can't fix

Do you really mean
what you say behind your metaphors
Will you still keep your word
if your sentences are turned into plain English
into something I can understand as well?

It's a dangerous game you're playing
at my expense

Extreme, addiction

You were part of my sane days
now chasing me over the edge
with no sense of mercy
Isn´t it enough already?
Haven´t I gone more than far?
Haven´t you?

Extreme is never healthy,
like I didn´t know
no need to prove it
I believe you
Go away

I´m crazy by now
you don´t have to tell me that
but it doesn´t give you the right
to keep pushing me
closer and closer,
deeper and deeper
Just let it be

Ultimate is never rational
but something you should be able to leave aside
I´m not stupid
I can see it
and admit I was wrong
Now I´m not

Oh yes, my visions are blurry
I see only the lights
in the middle of the darkness
you´re creating over my head
to make me lost
I´m already your victim,
just forget it

Obsession is never pleasure in the end
when the joy goes too far
and starts feeling like pain
But it´s too late then
to regret, to be sorry
Though you could still die

I give up, happy now?
You got what you wanted,
I got what I deserved
if the world works the way you wish
Now I´m completely lunatic,
want to come and see me
like this, like I´m not

Addiction is never the saviour
it pretends to be
when you start playing with it
You think you can avoid it
but there´s no way escaping
Just let me die

Viola in the rain

You´re like a viola in the rain
you whisper gently and
brush my wet locks off my face
You bend down to whisper:
You shouldn´t hide your eyes from me
because they´re everything
I want to look at
that´s all I want, my viola

You´re like a wrapping paper of sweets,
you say smiling and touch my lips with your thumb
You´re so near
but refuse to come any closer
That´s fine, I´m happy like this
There´s something so innocent left
I wouldn´t dare to move closer

I just realized that you´re gorgeous,
you say and I can tell by your eyes
how serious you are
though there´s always something playful in your dimples
Don´t care to scold yourself fat
and never say you´re ugly
because it breaks my heart
to hear you say so
it´s not true,
you continue and I know
you really mean it

You´re like a butterfly flying against the window
pursuing away
will you let me to save you,
you ask and I don´t know what to answer
I´m insecure, I´m sure you know it
but like this,
your scent in my nostrills,
I couldn´t care less
as long as you´re there
everything still possible and made for us only

I´ll save the world 2nd

I'm so tired again
of all this feeling
of the inability that drowns everything
When all I can do is spread my arms
if you ask for help
When all I can do is shake my head
if it's about to give in
I lay awake in the nights
drawing my battle plans
on how to save this world and
how to save you

You're mine, my precious
A key to secrets I never knew there was
You're a riddle I'd like to solve
but I fear I cannot do it on my own

I've searched for help
for you and me
and opened my heart and mind
so you'd have a place to hide
hide from this evil world
where even karma doesn't work as they say it does
Good things don't happen to good people
but they have to answer for what the bad people have done
I'm helpless as I watch you die
a death I can not stop
Piece by piece you disappear
until I cannot remember what you used to be
so long ago
when you were still whole, or at least fixable
Every second is a step further away
from you, and there's nothing I can do

Halos are breaking
and angels can't survive in this world
So thank god I'm only human
but you were created too good

I'm confident I can save you
and the world on the side
It has been done before
Miracles have happened
and failure is not an option
as long as failure equals death
My hands may still be bound
but it can't be a hinder
I won't let it be
but be stubborn instead
in good and in bad

I'm so tired
of all of this
But it's not about what I can and cannot
I'll just spread my arms and catch you
Just shake my head and
see your distress from the corner of my eye

You´re a promise to me 2nd

Behind the unfathomable distance
you are, with everything you have
and here I am trying to reach you
from where I will never find you
You've disappeared into the fog of space
your voice lost over the distance
Mountains and plains rise thundering between us
and I can't feel even a brush from you

If I were a psychic
I could feel your aura pulsating among all the others
now I have to try and image it's fragile twinkle
like a candle sending a message to outer space
With white fingers I hold myself
waiting for a connection
and all I feel is the enormous longing
of intimacy that I never did have
To me you're a promise that never was made
that was never validated with a blood oath
You're a promise that can't be kept
the one I lean into to survive through this

You're words in my memory
that are slowly fading away
I chase them through cold dreams
to store what left of them
that have no other safety net to fall on
Your spirit is far away, and I can't catch it
I'll send you smoke signals, do what it takes
The rhythm of the drums calls out for you
getting lost in the way
fading away like the flutter of a butterfly
and the cyclone will never arise

You are unrecorded things
something that doesn't exist in the physical world
With weakening arms I try to hold on to the little
that you had time to give me
It's like heroin that I'm craving more and more
and I can't give up just yet
Surrender is a sure way to destruction
when I'm staggering so close already
I'll take one last breath
before a lonely death
I'm still trying to reach you
find a channel to you
Your aura is pulsating in the horizon
behind solid walls
I'm still here as well
unwilling to leave
until you're here again

The distance is keeping us apart
Souls forged from the same spirit
I'd want to believe in telepathy, but I guess your mind is too bleary
to receive my feeble thoughts
Thoughts that emanate pain
Pain that your separation causes
Don't let the mountains grow any higher
don't let the plains get any wider
The shadows grow with them
But still I wait for you
and refuse to give up

I can't give up, because of you
I promised to be here, to do what I can
It's time to reclaim those promises we already made
and hold on to those we never had time to say out loud

So I asked Sith Fisto to just read my translation through and fix whatever needed to be fixed. And she re-translated it. I´m so glad she did because this one is so much better than my version of it. As expected. I wanted to re-post this and "I´ll save the world" (which she also re-translated) so you can see it yourself. No reason to hide good work!

Not even love

Can it truly be love
if it hurts and makes you hurt
taking your thirst for life
eradicating the future in front of us
snuffing out the final light in the tunnel
Can you call it by a name
that is reserved for beauty and purity
or is it just irony
self-coiling sarcasm?

Is it even love
if there's no use for it
in everyday life
if it only consumes and claims
if you only want to run away from it
Is it anything but hate
if you can't stand it
without buckling under pain
without slipping into depths of despair

Isn't in blasphemy
to call such a feeling that way
Love, what on earth is it
I haven't a clue, but I can feel
it's not here, not now

But what is this then,
when you don't want to see the other one go
when longing is the purgatory of your soul
Could it be love in it's purest
when you have to fight for it
when you can't imagine living without that feeling
when it became the only reason to exist
Isn't pain a part of love,
so you could truly appreciate it
if it ever evens out

What could you call it then
if love is damned as the wrong one
when pain has no more limits
and you're not even looking for them
when the heart can no more
but doesn't want to give up either

Thanx, Sith Fisto. Again.

At least you can not

I scream from the top of my lungs
transform the final drop of air into a sound
Desperate endeavors are for the hopeless souls
for final consolation
When you need the very last push over the edge
the weak won't have the courage alone
The torment must be taken to the extreme
so that even death would be better
and I'm not too far from that either,
soon goes out my sanity and my voice
In vain will you come to hear it
once I have taken it to the grave
you weren't on time

When the wolf howls towards the airless sky
I have already lost my hope
I just don't know how to give up
even though I should
Your name is a curse and a prayer on my lips
Lips that hardy work
for so dry they are,
so far have my teeth sunken
I hardly know myself
Why can't I give up
when even I don't think you'll answer
even I don't believe in my delusion
I guess I want to be sure,
before the final farewell
that I have done my all
taken my insane plans to the end,
they are all that is left
from my prime
days when love was still a pleasure
in stead of a desert of distress

And so I scream
till my cords give in
it can't be too far
I feel as a ghost
or a wraith, incapable of leaving my post
But if I'm just a memory now,
can I even die?
Have you taken that final satisfaction,
final hope of peace,
in your belief that there's no hell
Have you redeemed that from my behalf,
just like everything else?
My dreams have only been wearing,
don't tell me there's no escape
What would I do then?

Only the echo answers my call
pointless, I knew it from the start
My lungs bleed
so worn out they are
but I'll go on until I drown in my own fluids
I suppose it's the end I'm worthy for
You never arrived,
in my eyes
So never come,
it would be too bitter
You must learn to give up,
if you haven't already forgotten me
The bitter end of my loneliness is here
Not all wolves have a pack
and not all can be loved

At least you can not
and I can't wait forever
may it be pitiful or not

I need you

I need you, my miracle
now when every word looks like a lie
when I can´t separate my actions from my dreams
when the last lines drawn on the water are disappearing
I need you worse than I believed I could
but where could I find you
So versed are you in disappearing and hiding
into one of your hideouts
which you built all under wraps from me
while I was planning a future for us

I need you, my miracle
as I learnt to know you
as you described yourself
That´s the point, I never created a perception of you
but took what I got and saved it
I didn´t ask, I didn´t believe
only trusted like a fool can
Why would you have lied
Yes, why

I need you, dear miracle
now when I don´t remember who said and what
who promised and when
who looked who into eyes and kissed
without permission, as always
Who, which one of us
or did I imagine it all in my day dreams
They´re occasionally more real than this moment
Tell me if I´m completely sane
even when I don´t always know
if the voice comes from head
or from my ears
my hopes or reality

I need you, miracle darling
to tell our history
as it happened
not as I hope it did
Or it doesn´t matter what you tell me
as long as you come back