That you would love me, let me laugh
betrayal tastes like bad chocolate in the mouth
the disappointment when you don't get what you expected
Your words are beautiful and I appreciate your gesture
but I can't take it as the truth
Why?
because it's not normal to cry like that for hours
because it's not normal to fear immediately that it'll fail
because I can't wait for losing you
Because I'll tear apart if I believe
and then cry a little more
That you would love me, let me laugh
to save myself
That you would forgive everything, I hardly think so
no matter how much you'd love me you couldn't accept the evil
that I've knowingly done
you can't give me mercy
because I don't know what I'd do with my guilt
because I don't see any other solution than to continue wallowing in it
because I'm selfish and you shouldn't reward me for it
because I'm crying again
and can't decide which I want more
your closeness or that you would hit me
so that I would get what I deserve
because I fear too much that I'm believing in dreams
Translated by VERY hardworking Sith Fisto.
"That you would love me, let me laugh
ReplyDeleteto save myself"
That's so me, I always laugh things off so they'll be easier to deal with. This poem is so full of power and sadness and beautiful dreams and hopes. I love this piece so, so much.
easier to deal with - or easier not to trust and therefore not to get hurt. But the thing is that I want to believe in those things, I want to believe that someone could love me, I yearn for it. and at the same time I doubt it, I can't believe it could be true. and it hurts.
ReplyDeletethank you.