I Have Feared

I have feared to be weak
because who has the effort to drag someone with you
without the option to throw himself to the trust
that the other one will survive on his own as well
And I have feared to be strong, enviously powerful
because I know I will easily get stuck
so that breaking down is again a little bit too close
and unpleasant
Besides I don't want to leave others laying behind me
disappointed to the core because I couldn't make it

I have feared to give the wrong answer
because that would be stupidity and no one loves an idiot
except your own mom and who is content with that
But at some point I didn't have the courage to answer right either
when my too apparent trying was starting to wear the others down
and no one wants to grow and live in the shadow
Even the unbeaten needs to fall to be accepted

I have feared to let others close,
you can't win with me even if we didn't bet on it,
even though I recognize my own problems
And I don't want anyone to look for ways to fix the flaws
that I don't want to fight myself
I have feared to push others further and be honest
because perhaps they would understand wrong
and they would leave entirely

Even a bad friendship is better than loneliness
both are straining but in different ways

even though I am always alone, with my fears

I have feared freedom
for who would then take care that I'm good enough for others
that I do things the way they should be done
and that I will succeed in life
Only about the prison of my mind have I not had nightmares about
because in these fears I can trust, they won't abandon me
and won't change into something else

Translated by Sith Fisto.