Paper Is Safe

You call this madness so effortlessly
but do I have a choice but to carry on
until I've seen the bottom of this
with my own eyes?
I've heard there's actually one, deep under
but I've never seen one who has survived the fall

It's unbelievable to you, like a fairytale gone wrong
but it's a hell for me
I know I'm losing my hold of this reality
and slipping into mine, created by pen
at least I can cover my eyes and scream
until your voices fade out

I'm scared but like every obsession
this has to unfold, grow and swallow everything
You have a blaming finger upon me already
but do you think I wanted to turn out like this,
unlike every sane person?

Do you think I didn't want to befriend?
Do you think I chose the life that raised me like this

I didn't seek for a way to be different
but I don't know any other way to deal with myself
my feelings are a handful, too big for my tiny palms

Paper is safe, it's my consolation
which no liquid can offer me
And so far there has been no one to take that burden for me
Paper is safe, it lasts through harder days
even when I can't see a meaning for my words
no one can take these fears away
so I'll have to waste them on words
until there's nothing left for me to say

Until more emerges, that is
There's peace only until my head is bounding with thoughts again
I can't seem to drive them away

So you call this madness
like it was your place to judge
It's a hell for me, a hell of a lifestyle
and so far I haven't been introduced a better one

Inspired by what Bex wrote in her journal. And my own thoughts, as well.