Ambition

I've heard several times how I have ambition
how I'll gain a lot and
cannot be satisfied with blue-collar jobs
but I have to aim higher,
use my head
Not to waste my sacrifices and troubles
to benefit from all of this
And I suppose that's how it looks like from the outside
I don't doubt it at all
The one who doesn't know me, cannot know
that I didn't consciously go for anything of this all

Ambition
you confuse it with the desire to please
since I was little I knew that with success you get by and get what you want
And success keeps everyone else content
no one comes up and tells you to try harder
Except for those who want me to cover my joy
the satisfaction produced by my achievements

Going through all the trouble
it's the plain truth, I don't know how to let go
I know that certain amount of work gets me to certain point
I'm simply not able to say that I don't have to get there
not every single time
The only reason I try so hard is the fear
That without success I'm no longer good enough

I don't even know what I want
as I've never been bad at anything
I don't know my strengths either
I'm afraid of making the choice and breaking the illusion
of me becoming something great

I don't do anything else but fear
and ambition comes given from above