Question

Sometimes I have to question myself
the way I act and the words I let slip between my lips
and ask myself am I still following the same path
I chose sometime during the past days
It should be simple, to tell right from wrong
and even though I can see my soul,
darkened with doubt,
I cannot weight its deeds
not judge myself by what I witness
Why?
Because no matter what I tell myself,
it's not the conscious me who decides what to believe

I question myself more often now than I used to
when I was young it was easy to be confident
and not see the mistakes I made
But somewhere along the way I came aware
aware of what's ruined in me, what can't be fixed
and how twisted my actions sometimes are
But still, after all this time examining my inner self
I'm not wiser
I don't posses more knowledge than before

I try to hunt the reasons why I do this
but every single route seems just as possible to me
who can't judge from the outside
Still those questions won't leave me, I have to know
what's buried deep within me
to stop the evil from growing,
to nurture the little good I was given
It should be simple, to tell truth from lies
but isn't truth just another story,
told with chosen words?

Even though I have this picture of the person I want to be,
even though I have created this illusion of the perfect me,
the route I chose doesn't show me the way
quite the opposite
when I have to build the road for myself
And yet again I fall into the same trap,
begin to question myself once more
It gives me a headache but not many answers
as I can't see myself with the eyes of a stranger
I have to question myself
to see the little I can