Encounters

It's a last encounter
when a person you know leaves
saying goodbye
embracing you one last time
promising to think about you with warmth

It's a last encounter
when you see a person for the last time
as a friend or a loved one
with a kind look in their eyes

After that there's no talking or messages left
no loving memories
It's pushed away from your mind
or remembered with bitterness
Sheer hate

Both are wistful
Both leave you with sadness

Last encounters
when the eyes of the one left behind weigh heavily on your back
wondering if there's still a chance

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Freedom

In it's purest form
Freedom gets caught
Right from flight
The expectant can't see time pass
Even though white symbolizes peace
In this silence

Like a snake it strikes
The reality
How you recover from that
Depends on the person

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Seeking attention

Attention seeking is faking
Only a few personalities are alluring to others
and even fewer are interested to hear
about someone else's trivial life
that has even less content than their owna
and nothing that you'd want to grab in

Attention seeking is based on lies
when you're not good enough as yourself
It's underestimating of the listeners to exaggerate,
multiply everything by ten
It only gets you condescending smiles,
pitying looks and reluctant presence
If there's nothing to tell in life without fairy tales
it would be smart to keep them to yourself

Loudness, shrieking laughter
all of it is just on the surface
for in no one's heart can you find
a shining presence without a concealed dimension

Don't believe in shining clauses

Translated by Sith Fisto who is really busy.

The past

The past still hurts
If it was an open wound, I could heal it
I could put a bandaid on it
and wait for it to turn into a scar
It wouldn´t be a burdain to carry around
in my mind, in my heart
In the every part of me that can remember

The past is there when I look around
it doesn´t define my future but colors it
How much space does it leave for me
to decide how I´m going to paint it
with my own kind of colours
my handwriting on it

The more time passes by, more there is to be called past
The more time passes me,
more space there is between me and my history
and more space there is, the more I forget
little details have already faded
but the worthwhile things,
memories I´d like to destroy
those will remain

Insomnia

The problem is that you can´t make yourself sleep at night
You can´t close your eyes without wondering
whether you´ll fall asleep now or never
whether you´ll manage to rest or
will you wake up from insomnia more tired than you were

You can laugh and smile and dance
like nothing is really bothering you
You can hide all those sleepless nights and hours
you´ve spent tossing and turning between the sheets
desperately trying to find the Sandman

But the real reason driving you crazy is nightmares
Oh how they make you wish you wouldn´t have to lay down
and leave yourself vulnerable to those creatures
which have no face to punch, no name to curse
Insomnia is actually your friend, your protector

Those dreams will come
when you´re too tired to struggle for your sanity
The dawn will chase them away eventually
still you fear that the sun will not come one day
and you´ll be left there, gasping for air

Still you believe those dreams will disappear
and you can find a way to beat them dead
but there´s no face to punch, no name to curse
no life to kill
remember that, would you honey

Inspired by my fanfiction called Don´t want to fall asleep. You can find it from the DeviantArt: roccari.deviantart.com

Happy Ending

Why did you have to force me to breathe
when I willingly stopped
and gave up my last drop of air
hence I didn´t need it anymore
because I couldn´t do it
Yes, I wanted to die
when it was too hard to breathe in

Memories are suffocating me
under their weight
and they made me suidical
after you weren´t here to tell me
weren´t here to make me believe
that you couldn´t survive by yourself
Do you now see why

Yes, I wanted to die
out of breath
piercing pain in my chest
It was the last gift for myself I could give
but you had to be the hero of the story
and write a happy ending

Inspired by the music video of B2ST´s song called Soom (Breathe in English).

The past, the pain

The past still hurts
if I go back to it and try to read it
Try to understand with new eyes
if there was something hidden
to make it easier to bear
something to explain it all reasonable

The pain comes even when I avoid it
the future has nothing to keep me happy
keep me distracted
My mind is hurt, it won´t believe anymore
can´t hold on to promises
after seeing so many end up broken

My past is haunting
with cold hands it keeps me attached
There´s no secret, at least I can´t find any
It has no reasons
and it doesn´t want to be healed
And no matter how mature I grow,
the past is the same
with nothing new to see

How long can I keep myself sane with all this

A legend

It´s been a long time
since we talked for the last time
Bitter words, both hurt
and one of us finally running
turning away
to avoid being revealed

I thought I had forgotten most of you
moved on and grown up
but calling your name is impossible
as I try to share my past
It still has power over me
it still means something more

I tried to act like it was nothing
like the sobs were far away

I have forgotten some
but you´ve become a legend
your story unfolds slowly in my head
as I try to keep it close to reality
it´s fading but not away

It´s been a long time
and I was sure I wouldn´t miss you
now that I have a life
But I´d give a lot to get you back
even for a moment
to see if my picture of you is still true

So, you might even recognize the person/people I´m talking about. I just thought of them after a long time and found it really, really hard. It still is. How odd. How sad.

Deserted land

My grave is cold and quiet
full of weeds
I guess I'll soon lose my right
for this patch of land
since no one has taken care of it
and I don't know anything that would be sadder
than a deserted grave
where no one brings candles
or remember at Christmas

So better they lay down someone new on top of me
Perhaps then someone starts visiting this place again

And the younger the deceased, the better
the longer it will have mourners
atoning their guilt
from their life force

Translated by Sith Fisto though I must say I edited the last line. We´re working on it. It´s not perfect yet. Nothing is. Nothing will be.

Innocence

He's so pure
that you can not willfully harm him
He can't handle the 10 o'clock news
or watch police series
they leave a mark on his innocence
But can not stain it
never can

The pain of the world is in his body
like he was being fed to the dogs alive
Empathy is a curse, not a talent
Imagination brings the pain close to him
and it doesn't wash of
But it's not dirt, more like smog
around him

Naivety is a wall he carries
with its strength he managed along

No, you can't spoil his purity
it's without a flaw
and because of that when it disappears
it will break with a rumble
and the hardness won't wait a moment
before it sucks him inside

It would be good to maintain your juvenile beliefs

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Pressure

What is pain
pressure on the nerve endings
when through the numbness you can't notice
that you´re crossing over unwritten norms
Too much pressure in the nerve canals
when the world slaps you in the face with an open hand
and pushes your head into a full sink
waiting patiently for your legs to give in

Wet hair on your eyes

What is agony
pain that has gone on for too long
from which the nervous system will never recover
It's ringing in the ears
seasonal affective disorder that goes on all year round
When time eats you alive with its tiny teeth
and you can't dodge, can't leave
and can't close your eyes

With tears on your cheeks

What is suffering
you can't remove it, it's in the air you breathe
when a squeeze in your chest stops you from breathing
It's a presence next to you
when others abandon you
When your limbs go necrotic from the cold
breaking odd piece by piece
and you're aware of every moment,
every moment

With bloody drops on your lips

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Jesus

Too much weight
putted on one name
on one man's false justification
has others been oppressed
In the name of a promised salvation
taken the hope from dissidents

If he had known it
he wouldn't have said a word
but kept all the wisdom to himself

Or at least would have made clear
that none shall be harmed in his name
and that firm belief doesn't justify arrogance

The world waits for a new coming
I wish it would happen soon
so that the infidels would awaken from their sin

I wrote this for school as a homework some time ago. Translated by Sith Fisto.

A tear

A tear
the final one, the bitter one
that should not be dried with a hand
or wiped with a handkerchief
Let it slowly run down your cheek
until it drops
on its own
and breaks

A tear
beautiful and brilliant in a bright light
but it doesn't last, it evaporates
dries out on its own
You can't keep it
the child of the moment must disappear
on its own
quietly

A tear
the mark of sadness, the mark of pain
so fragile you almost can't see it
I remember it
to remember the reason
why I'm crying
why I'm empty
At the same time I let go
let go of you
dince I can't keep you here
forever
a prisoner

To Milla. Thanx. Translated by Sith Fisto.