Denial

If I don´t say it, it´ll stay away
It will not become true
If I don´t admit, if I only deny
Sleepless nights, anxious days
those all will disappear
if I close my eyes and say no, no, no

I won´t bring myself to say it
Without a name it can´t grow
Without a given face it can´t scare me
I´ll walk from it to see a fresh dawn
touching the landscape before my eyes

If I hide it, it´ll leave me alone
It will fade and die
If I don´t face it
the pain will go eventually numb
Hours filled with insomnia
I´ll rewind and change into dreams

I won´t make it more real with words
I won´t give it power
I´ll be safe if it doesn´t have a weapon
and I´ll stay here, fading away too
into the hours I should have spent sleeping

Sleeping safely
escaping from it once again
succeeding and falling asleep at last

Inspired by this picture: http://my.deviantart.com/messages/#/d33pedq I don´t know if you can see it or not but there it is.

Thinking of us

I´m thinking of us
How we started our wicked plan
to win over each other´s hearts
and how we danced around each other
trying all the tricks we got
Playing like we both were dolls

And that´s why we´re broken now

I´m thinking of us
What we did and what we did wrong
How our moral crumbled under lust
selfishness was a god to serve
and how we waited impatiently
to catch what we wanted the most

We got what we wanted and ruined it

I´m thinking of us
How we changed slowly
how we made each other bad, sinful
and how the common sense didn´t scream a word
We took what we wanted
but it wasn´t as sweet as it should have been

Porcelain skin is bruised

I´m thinking of us
how we abused each other
with everything we could use as a weapon
How the game we played almost innocently
turned into a fight, struggle for our lives
and how the dancing ended up with our hearts dying

And that´s why we´re broken now
I wish it was just a dream
Very bad dream

Inspired by Nelly´s Just a Dream.

Contemplation

Where is the line when second tries turn into last chances
When can you no longer forgive or forget
those are the questions I've contemplated on
when I can't sleep
as your words spin inside my head
I haven't found a conclusion
since I can't tell
at which mark all the promises disappear

I have contemplated but I can't decide
Everything is relevant
ever changing
Tomorrow is always a new one, and still just as cursed
At what point will I get bored at collecting up my bones

I stay up even though the hours of the night bring no answer
Even ghosts haven't grown wise with waiting
When is it a bit much to forgive?

When won't I be able to anymore

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Limit

I do not wish to fight
and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone with what I say
but when the fued grows stronger I no longer watch my words
They flow free
finally
But they don't build, they break
and burn
making irreparable damage as they go

I don't want to, but too often it's not voluntary
and I wasn't given an angel's nature
Provoking eats me from the inside as well
and people don't come to say just anything to me
from the last one I get mad as well

You can't always hide behind everyone else
and avoid the punches
But do I really want to waste my time
with mending that which I intentionally broke?

Don't push me because even I have a limit
it's somewhere very close from here
Don't try your luck just to find it
I'll make sure you know once you've crossed the line

I don't always know how to place my words wisely

Translated by Sith Fisto, as all my pieces are nowadays.

Erosion

Attention, attention
you never get enough
and you always appear where there's most of it for grabs
Never mind the quality
or if you embarrass yourself
because at least they're looking at you
Maybe someday even approve you
but till then this is the game you play

Attention, attention
your uncertainty still craves for more
but it's not a cure nor a remedy
otherwise all the junkies would be happy
And you don't even see how they whisper behind your back
you can't gain respect this way

Under the neon lights you're the master of the moment
when everyone's eyes are burning on you
as long as you don't know how it consumes you

First snow

First snow always falls down too early
So that there's no chance it would last
Because even if it's cloudy and chilly
The grass is still warm and green
Behind the fall colors, unyielding
Despite all of that the snow comes, just to be destroyed by its own weight

Winter is sure to come
That much we all know
But the first snow won't live
To see that day

Remember

Don't forget, that my touch didn't always hurt
And I'll always remember, that your presence wasn't pain at first
That at first I enjoyed it, even asked for more
That I wanted it, pursued after it

Don't forget that love requires two
Even if the other doesn't answer your feelings
That's how you too were a part of this
That looked like something I made up
Like a bedtime story to ease a child

Remember that I wasn't a monster
That I'm still not, but a victim of circumstances
Same as you are
And let me bear in mind
That loving you was sweet
Less than thorny

Let me live in the illusion
That I wouldn't trade one moment away
Believe that I meant well
And didn't do this to you on purpose

Loser

Always, again and again
The second best
The one that failed
When I didn't even know it was a competition
Not to mention I should give it my best shot
Give everything away
Give up all my strength in a never ending battle
Of attention, love
Of who is cared about and
Who is taken care of

Again, once more
The starting signal is shot and you have get back on your feet again
But I can't hear, can't see the flags flying
And my supporters don't make a sound

I had no idea I was a part of this war

I thought I deserved something even on my own

Over again, repeatedly
I fall down to my knees as a loser
And again I don't know all the things I lost
When I couldn't run faster, wasn't better than this