The Anxiety of Denial

My conception of how
the world around me turns with least effort
is yielding into chaos
I get tired soon even though
I should be able to strive
with even greater strength
to stop the circles fallen on water
from reaching the edges
bent into tidal waves

I'll rather die
than let myself carry on like this
And still it's ungodly hard to just sit
act as if I don't even want to
the anxiety of denial on dry lips

I don't recognize the mirros, I fall
even though I don't know where to rise
when it's time for it
if there is time
if there ever is
but one thing I know
I don't want to destroy anymore
when everything was already excellent

Why gaining one thing means losing something else?

The City

There's a city by my heart
the channels leading there are often overpopulated
after all, the electric lights are a promise of something something else
unconfirmed allusion to better
Who wouldn't want to come,
gambling is all natural to human kind
But one thing most cannot see, know:
the roads running away are also crowded

The city also in my heart
is a black drain, crack in the reality
Once you fall you won't get up effortlessly
there's no guarantee you'll survive
because in the nightless night the dangers become slyer
Through the history of man the cities have been like that,
places where dreamers come to die

And the city will always stay to watch
even when open sewers take over
even when everything decent and healthy has been destroyed
The city's protruding carcass will always remain
the wars won't destroy it into dust

There's a city next to my heart
seducing, shiny, charged
but there's a lot that's dark, cruel, hard
while the cherry blossoms grow somewhere else

Watch

Keep an eye on me
the denied subjects will still remain unspoken
I'm promised myself that if you ask
directly, then I'll tell you
Something, if only I dare

And everytime you turn my words into jingle
you see, it hurts me
That's another reason why I fall silent because
how can I need you
if you just keep avoiding me
without giving me the permission to attach
You really make me feel worthless

Cherry Blooms

Acid breathe turns into powder the filmy petals
when they soar down and touch
Hands, eaten into veiny are slowly covered
when I just sit, wait
And soon it's like I've found the eternal youth
as a gift from the new spring

Death has never really suited me
not adorned, not crowned
I prefer to stay amongst the gemmas
rather than old, black snow

And the movement of petals is dance in the air
they remind distantly
that this is not the end yet, not over yet
even if my youth broke with the frost

Responsibility

I'm sorry
that all of this fell on your shoulders
crashed into your lap to be hold on to
when I myself were swaying at the edge of something obscure
unable to decide
which way the true suffering was
I'd like to dry your tears
before you have to carry responsibility over me any longer
When did your parts change like this
when did I give in to my desires
to be weak and demand you to endure
the reality that I can't even comprehend

Surely you know as well
what loneliness feels like
and understand how greatly comfort is sometimes needed
But I got hooked on to it and now
I wouldn't want to hold anything inside
since I noticed how easy it is to use you
for preserving of all that unnecessary ugly
Out of the eyes, out of the soul
out of depressing me

Forgive me
that I drag you down below the surface faster
than I myself can swim upwards
One could imagine that I'm doing this on purpose
even though in truth I'd like to be you
take back your role
and save you instead of myself
I once learned how well the problems of others cover mine
even though they won't cure them
but I cannot do that to you

Don't bother carrying me on your heart
even I got tired of the weight
Indeed you surely love me, I have no doubt of that
not anymore, I have no need for it
But don't break yourself for me
it surely isn't worth it
And push me away when you must
so that we don't both disappear into hopelessness
I can manage a moment on my own
even if I don't want to

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Immortal song

An immortal song
to last through the overpowering time
to keep her name alive
even when she abandones it
just to forget, forget about everything
that once kept her down,
kept her from shining like she's supposed to
But I don't want her to forget,
I don't want her to erase what she once was
because she's beautiful right now

An ode to prove her
how much one can love her kind
to polish her image in her own mind
when she doubts and refuses to see
how much I adore her every word
how much I envy her, the pure of heart
She'll never believe me,
she'll never really listen
But maybe eternity is long enough for her
to finally understand

A song to last forever
to fall of singer's lips and catch
the heart of every listener
But it's not the magic of words
or the tricks of the melody, no
It's the charm of her true nature,
as she showed it to me
She'll want to forget, she'll want to rewind
but merciless as it seems, I won't let her
Because in my eyes she'll never be more perfect
She defines the beauty of the world
In my heart I love her
and one day I'll make her understand
that she'll have to accept it

An immortal song to keep her alive
even when she doesn't actually want to
A song to show her
that she doesn't have to push herself down