Replay

I need a replay of what we had
even if it was tearing me apart
At least I could feel it, could sense the pain
at least it touched me
Now I don't know my own limits anymore
seems as if you drew them for me
like a map of the the fairytale land

I need a replay if not the real thing
I want to imagine you here,
drawing imaginary patterns on my skin
with your spider-like fingers

You don't know how it is like
to just sit and see
how everything passes by
And realize our promises are disappearing
just like my hold of you
I know it should kill me
but why do I feel nothing but the growing vortex
of emptiness?

I want a replay
even if it takes everything I have
because like this I'm not worthy
My boundaries are fading into thin air
at least with you I could feel the pain
when it was there
Now it's all nothing

SHINee published their Japanese version of their debut song Replay few days ago and I've been listening and watching it ever since. It's just so... perfect. I did like the original Korean version though the MV wasn't that brilliant and I was sure I wouldn't like the Japanese version. But actually I do! and damn are those guys just so hot... Don't let me get started with fangirling, I can't stop it once I begin!

Goodbye

Going through the smoke
I'll find you in the end
faint screams of help
guiding me there
The flames licking my feet
chunks of ceiling falling on me
The house is on fire
I don't need the police cars
or the ambulance, I'm alright
I just have to bid goodbye
You can't leave
without giving me the last chance

Running through the wall of heat
I'll reach that dim room
It was just a while ago
when we greeted each other
like strangers do
Now you're abandoning me
Wait, I have to say goodbye
so that I don't have to grief later

Through the small crack in the wall
I see you, see you smiling
and inviting me to come further
I'll come even if I can't save us
from the burning pain

Finally Blogger is actually working again, thanx for saving my life Bex! So, I had to write this two times because dA deleted it at first. Luckily I managed to put it back together. Inspired by FT Island's song 'Hello Hello' and it's amazing MV.

Suspicion

Why won't he tell if he really cares
so that I wouldn't always have to wonder
what I dare to say
or how close I dare to ask to get
When I anyway doubt, it's a part of my nature
since I don't believe that anyone likes me
Pitiful teen, though it is sad
yet I still desire verbal acceptance

The smallest word, the smallest crossing deed
makes my suspicions wild
Look at this now, we were right
they don't want you, why don't you stay away
give in, die away
And unfortunately I believe every word,
very ridiculous lie
I can come up with

But you can't see it from the surface
you don't notice you I fear
nothing this stupid could ever be expressed aloud

And he is that type of man who doesn't say anything aloud
and he won't be telling me about feelings
not even if I threatened to leave him

As if I dared

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Fog

Oh how the world shrinks again
when fog is leaning against the window
like it was trying to come in
The walls are barely able to stand
and I don't have the energy for anyone from the outside,
or for any touches
Don't come, stay away world
I can't face you right now
Why do you come to me now
Why do you concentrate into a ring around my abode
now that I can't handle it

The world shrinks minute by minute
when the fog creeps closer
presses its cheek against the cold glass,
the only thing keeping it away
Why can't I see the sky, the clouds
my hospitality has ended
The whole house is swaying on its stone base
I wait holding my breath
when will the outside come crashing in

I hear how the fog is breathing quietly
at the edges of my thin cladding
mere willpower is keeping me from falling into the same rhythm

Oh stay away now world
when I can't help even myself
Grow once more and dry the fog as you go

Blogger is messing with my computer and I can't post anything, not even sign in. I'm on my friend's laptop right now... Sigh. I don't know, I'll have to try and fix it during the weekend because I'd really like to be able to use my own computer for working on my poems.

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Fiction

My sanity doesn't have boundaries
within fiction and imagination
everything is possible
and so I live, from day to day
pushing the skillful luring of the reality aside
so that I can almost forget it
The fluent movement of my pen
keeps me focused, attached
and I see nothing but what I want
and I believe only what suits me

Within fiction and imagination I fly
And I don't miss anything or anyone or something more
I'm strong like this
I can almost forget that there's something else
I could want

My inspiration is lacking. Better not to push it further. I'm just addicted to BEAST's "Fiction" and yeah, trying to dig some ideas from it.

Light Conversation

And don't even ask how I've been
or what's now around here
when I just can't answer honestly
"Nothing special"
and "Same old, same old"
You should know I'm lying
but it's better that you don't,
I couldn't tell you anyway
And I don't want that paper thin empathy
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that"

Still the question stings
in my consciousness, in heavy heart
when I'd really want that question
be something other than light conversation

It stings very hard

Translated by Sith Fisto.