Freedom

In it's purest form
Freedom gets caught
Right from flight
The expectant can't see time pass
Even though white symbolizes peace
In this silence

Like a snake it strikes
The reality
How you recover from that
Depends on the person

Translated by Sith Fisto.

Seeking attention

Attention seeking is faking
Only a few personalities are alluring to others
and even fewer are interested to hear
about someone else's trivial life
that has even less content than their owna
and nothing that you'd want to grab in

Attention seeking is based on lies
when you're not good enough as yourself
It's underestimating of the listeners to exaggerate,
multiply everything by ten
It only gets you condescending smiles,
pitying looks and reluctant presence
If there's nothing to tell in life without fairy tales
it would be smart to keep them to yourself

Loudness, shrieking laughter
all of it is just on the surface
for in no one's heart can you find
a shining presence without a concealed dimension

Don't believe in shining clauses

Translated by Sith Fisto who is really busy.

The past

The past still hurts
If it was an open wound, I could heal it
I could put a bandaid on it
and wait for it to turn into a scar
It wouldn´t be a burdain to carry around
in my mind, in my heart
In the every part of me that can remember

The past is there when I look around
it doesn´t define my future but colors it
How much space does it leave for me
to decide how I´m going to paint it
with my own kind of colours
my handwriting on it

The more time passes by, more there is to be called past
The more time passes me,
more space there is between me and my history
and more space there is, the more I forget
little details have already faded
but the worthwhile things,
memories I´d like to destroy
those will remain

Insomnia

The problem is that you can´t make yourself sleep at night
You can´t close your eyes without wondering
whether you´ll fall asleep now or never
whether you´ll manage to rest or
will you wake up from insomnia more tired than you were

You can laugh and smile and dance
like nothing is really bothering you
You can hide all those sleepless nights and hours
you´ve spent tossing and turning between the sheets
desperately trying to find the Sandman

But the real reason driving you crazy is nightmares
Oh how they make you wish you wouldn´t have to lay down
and leave yourself vulnerable to those creatures
which have no face to punch, no name to curse
Insomnia is actually your friend, your protector

Those dreams will come
when you´re too tired to struggle for your sanity
The dawn will chase them away eventually
still you fear that the sun will not come one day
and you´ll be left there, gasping for air

Still you believe those dreams will disappear
and you can find a way to beat them dead
but there´s no face to punch, no name to curse
no life to kill
remember that, would you honey

Inspired by my fanfiction called Don´t want to fall asleep. You can find it from the DeviantArt: roccari.deviantart.com

Happy Ending

Why did you have to force me to breathe
when I willingly stopped
and gave up my last drop of air
hence I didn´t need it anymore
because I couldn´t do it
Yes, I wanted to die
when it was too hard to breathe in

Memories are suffocating me
under their weight
and they made me suidical
after you weren´t here to tell me
weren´t here to make me believe
that you couldn´t survive by yourself
Do you now see why

Yes, I wanted to die
out of breath
piercing pain in my chest
It was the last gift for myself I could give
but you had to be the hero of the story
and write a happy ending

Inspired by the music video of B2ST´s song called Soom (Breathe in English).

The past, the pain

The past still hurts
if I go back to it and try to read it
Try to understand with new eyes
if there was something hidden
to make it easier to bear
something to explain it all reasonable

The pain comes even when I avoid it
the future has nothing to keep me happy
keep me distracted
My mind is hurt, it won´t believe anymore
can´t hold on to promises
after seeing so many end up broken

My past is haunting
with cold hands it keeps me attached
There´s no secret, at least I can´t find any
It has no reasons
and it doesn´t want to be healed
And no matter how mature I grow,
the past is the same
with nothing new to see

How long can I keep myself sane with all this