Not even love

Can it truly be love
if it hurts and makes you hurt
taking your thirst for life
eradicating the future in front of us
snuffing out the final light in the tunnel
Can you call it by a name
that is reserved for beauty and purity
or is it just irony
self-coiling sarcasm?

Is it even love
if there's no use for it
in everyday life
if it only consumes and claims
if you only want to run away from it
Is it anything but hate
if you can't stand it
without buckling under pain
without slipping into depths of despair

Isn't in blasphemy
to call such a feeling that way
Love, what on earth is it
I haven't a clue, but I can feel
it's not here, not now

But what is this then,
when you don't want to see the other one go
when longing is the purgatory of your soul
Could it be love in it's purest
when you have to fight for it
when you can't imagine living without that feeling
when it became the only reason to exist
Isn't pain a part of love,
so you could truly appreciate it
if it ever evens out

What could you call it then
if love is damned as the wrong one
when pain has no more limits
and you're not even looking for them
when the heart can no more
but doesn't want to give up either

Thanx, Sith Fisto. Again.

At least you can not

I scream from the top of my lungs
transform the final drop of air into a sound
Desperate endeavors are for the hopeless souls
for final consolation
When you need the very last push over the edge
the weak won't have the courage alone
The torment must be taken to the extreme
so that even death would be better
and I'm not too far from that either,
soon goes out my sanity and my voice
In vain will you come to hear it
once I have taken it to the grave
you weren't on time

When the wolf howls towards the airless sky
I have already lost my hope
I just don't know how to give up
even though I should
Your name is a curse and a prayer on my lips
Lips that hardy work
for so dry they are,
so far have my teeth sunken
I hardly know myself
Why can't I give up
when even I don't think you'll answer
even I don't believe in my delusion
I guess I want to be sure,
before the final farewell
that I have done my all
taken my insane plans to the end,
they are all that is left
from my prime
days when love was still a pleasure
in stead of a desert of distress

And so I scream
till my cords give in
it can't be too far
I feel as a ghost
or a wraith, incapable of leaving my post
But if I'm just a memory now,
can I even die?
Have you taken that final satisfaction,
final hope of peace,
in your belief that there's no hell
Have you redeemed that from my behalf,
just like everything else?
My dreams have only been wearing,
don't tell me there's no escape
What would I do then?

Only the echo answers my call
pointless, I knew it from the start
My lungs bleed
so worn out they are
but I'll go on until I drown in my own fluids
I suppose it's the end I'm worthy for
You never arrived,
in my eyes
So never come,
it would be too bitter
You must learn to give up,
if you haven't already forgotten me
The bitter end of my loneliness is here
Not all wolves have a pack
and not all can be loved

At least you can not
and I can't wait forever
may it be pitiful or not

I need you

I need you, my miracle
now when every word looks like a lie
when I can´t separate my actions from my dreams
when the last lines drawn on the water are disappearing
I need you worse than I believed I could
but where could I find you
So versed are you in disappearing and hiding
into one of your hideouts
which you built all under wraps from me
while I was planning a future for us

I need you, my miracle
as I learnt to know you
as you described yourself
That´s the point, I never created a perception of you
but took what I got and saved it
I didn´t ask, I didn´t believe
only trusted like a fool can
Why would you have lied
Yes, why

I need you, dear miracle
now when I don´t remember who said and what
who promised and when
who looked who into eyes and kissed
without permission, as always
Who, which one of us
or did I imagine it all in my day dreams
They´re occasionally more real than this moment
Tell me if I´m completely sane
even when I don´t always know
if the voice comes from head
or from my ears
my hopes or reality

I need you, miracle darling
to tell our history
as it happened
not as I hope it did
Or it doesn´t matter what you tell me
as long as you come back

And can you must

But I love the pain
as long as it´s mine
and it´s mine to keep
So go and don´t care
because you´re not like me,
you´re not this sick yet

So I love the pain
and I will take it all
All you can give
Make more if it´s almost running out
Make more to keep me busy,
dealing with it
so you can go
while I´m not watching
because you have to
hence you´re still not dying

My hands are cold and numb
You may let go, I won´t notice
So I love the pain
that I´m willing to save you
Believe me,
for a masochist this is the only way
Only way to do it
If it wasn´t you, it´d be me
And you must go,
fly like the happy times
which we had so little
You must go
as long as you can
And can you must,
since you´re still just the weak you

Game over

It´s not game over
before I say so
You think you can overpower me
and make decisions on your own
No, mister
You cannot, it´s just an illusion
I made up just for you
to make you easier to lead
where I wanted to take you
And you came
you weren´t even a dog on a leash
Because you didn´t make the choice to follow
You never had any

No, I´m sorry to say
but you´re the fool, the idiot
I was joking all the time
playing with you
Oh, call it cruel
call it whatever you might
It´s too late, after all
But still not game over
You don´t even know the rules
We never agreed to have such
but this is no democracy

It´s far from game over
I have plenty of lives left
But how about you?
I wouldn´t be so sure
I´m your god now
The administrator
Do you really want to debate?
Are you willing to risk it?
Well, it doesn´t matter
because I´ll do what I want
despite what you say or do

Yes, mister
I´m immune to your actions
It´s just boring to play alone, don´t you think
I needed you
and will need
because it ain´t game over
far from it
I don´t see the finish line yet
So bite me, hurt me every way you think you can
but mister, you can´t

It´s not game over until I say so

Please

Please, don´t just stand there and watch me fall
as if you weren´t the responsible one
as if it wasn´t your fault
Do something!
at least go away
and leave me
like everyone does in the end
Like everyone wants by now
Save my dignity
if you still want to let go of me

Please, don´t stand there and enjoy watching me
as if you were the sadist
I taught you not to be anymore
as if you wanted to see this
before the end of your days
Close your eyes
if it´s not too much to ask
And it´s not, I know that
Like I always closed my eyes
before you hurt me
so that I could believe it wasn´t you

Please, don´t stay there like nothing was wrong
as if you didn´t realize what´s happening
as if it´s happening too fast
Even if it was slowmotion
you could always run
Run away!
Like I ran everytime you tried to catch me
You´re cruel, there´s no doubt
not even in my naive heart
but please, go and kill someone else
I want to have this last moment just for myself